Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
