haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
