He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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