I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
