No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
