why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
