I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
