They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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