Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
