Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
