It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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