he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
