She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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