Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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