Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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