I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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