Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
