I think im going to throw up on grandma
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
