why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
