i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love having hate sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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