I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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