her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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