I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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