I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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