theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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