he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
