my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
