I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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