So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
