You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found puke in my bra..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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