Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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