I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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