This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
