Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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