if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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