He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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