Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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