I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
