cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection