I'm fucking your sister right now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck