with your own penis?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.