so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!