What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
