So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
