remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just threw up on my dentist
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
