New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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