He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
