You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
