If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
