Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
