i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i barfeds in our rink
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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