You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
