i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
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I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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