it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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