I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
