Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
