Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i've created a new STD.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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