Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
