I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
